Those Words from My Father That Saved Us when I became a New Parent

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth soon turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple words "You're not in a good spot. You require assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a wider reluctance to talk amongst men, who still absorb harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to request a break - taking a few days overseas, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "bad actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a family member, your other half or a professional what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."